Mini-blog: On being asexual 

Content warning: Sexual violence

For the past few years I have identified as Asexual – or ‘Ace’. I knew for a long time that my experience of sexual relationships and sex was different to others’ but had no concept of my identity. Even as a teenager I knew that sex was not for me. I had never been presented with an option for sexuality that suited me. I thought for many years that I was Lesbian. To my mind women were less icky than men – although still icky! After a very unpleasant sexual experience with a man at the age of 16 I figured the only option for me was being Lesbian. Nobody had ever told me there was an option other than gay, straight or bi so by that understanding I must be gay.

As a twenty-something I sought a pattern, not for sex but for companionship and because society expected me to have a partner. Even in relationships I had very little sex. I was threatened by sex and found it to personal and invasive plus I was very averse to bodily fluids. Tongue kissing was something which revolted me but which others seemed to enjoy. 

Not that long ago I came across the sexuality that is Asexual. I finally knew that my sexual identity was a ‘thing’. It took me a while to see it as part of my identity but when I did it was a good thing. One thing which concerned me was that as an Autistic Ace I occupied the position of an unhelpful  stereotype. There are often assumptions that all Autistic people are Ace. While this is not true, I didn’t like being part of a stereotype and felt uncomfortable being an Autistic advocate who is Ace. More recently I have added my asexuality to my list of things I have a sense of pride for. Being Ace can be really difficult and there can be discrimination and even violence levelled at Ace people. I am now a proud Ace and very happy total about my sexuality with others. And I am far from a prude. I am actually very sex positive – I just don’t want anyone doing whatever with me!

One thought on “Mini-blog: On being asexual 

  1. I just love it when folks are able to identify as “themselves” and be able to be comfortable in their own skin. That makes me so happy & happy for them!

    Being brave enough to share of oneself often inspires others to do so and honour their own wants and needs.

    Even if they don’t share publicly, they may be more inclined to be more comfortable in their own skin being who they feel most comfortable being and sharing their life with.

    Intimacy can look so different for many folks, even over a lifetime as we grow and learn what we like and dislike. It should always feel safe and hopefully comfortable for everyone whilst being explored and nurtured. I love that you have learnt what serves you best and brings you joy and that you honour that and respect others choices. I hope everyone can learn to do the same for each other. We all need to have open minds and hearts and keep in mind their is always many ways of being and doing. Blessed Be. 🙏🏻

    Liked by 1 person

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