It’s a sign of strength to ask for help

I have struggled to ask for help for my entire life. I think I am probably not alone in this. I was brought up to be self-reliant and independent. Like many others I viewed seeking help as a sign of weakness, something not to do.

When I was younger I experienced a lot of bullying. (Let’s face it, I experience a lot of bullying as an adult too!) I rarely complained about my bullying issues at school, so nobody realised how bad things were. On the rare occasion I raised an issue with a parent or teacher I was dissatisfied by the response so simply didn’t raise an issue with them again. This meant that I experienced a lot of very poor behaviour from peers every day that I was at school which went completely unchecked. It was soul-destroying and meant that I felt completely alone and unable to change what was actually pretty traumatising over many years.

As a young adult I never sought help either. In fact, it simply didn’t occur to me that it was an option to seek help. This contributed to some very tough times. By the age of 21 I had essentially flushed my life down the metaphorical toilet – I was a recent ex-prisoner with a drug addiction issue on my way to my fist episode of psychosis/ schizophrenia. I ended up in hospital for the first time since I was born. I went from having no support or help to having lots of it. To say it was a bit of a shock was an understatement!

I still have schizophrenia 31 years later. I have taken meds for it and had lots more hospital admissions since that first episode in 1995. Despite this I still struggle to seek help unless things are really bad or some encourages me to do so.

I have learned though that seeking help is a sign of profound strength. It is a good thing to do. I often worry that I am bothering people, even those in health care settings. I like to be self-reliant.

One area that causes stress is transport. I have never held a driving license or owned a car. Most of the time I use public transport or Ubers or taxis to get around but sometimes I need to ask for a lift. I absolutely hate doing this and wish I didn’t have to. With my sensible, wise Yennski hat on I know it is OK to ask for an occasional lift from a friend, but I still don’t like it. It makes me feel like I am a burden and asking my friends for favours all the time.

I do know that seeking appropriate help is a good thing to do and not something to feel ashamed of. I think society’s expectations and assumptions around disability can contribute to issues in this space. Those who can’t do things that others do easily as seen as somehow deficient or ‘less’. This doesn’t help anyone. There are also cultural and gender-based differences in this space.

There is a saying in mental health circles which is ‘You alone can do it, but you can’t do it alone.’ I like this saying and for me at least it rings true. So, if you are concerned to ask for help, be aware that we are all interdependent as human beings. At one or other point we will all need help and that is OK. Independence is different for each person, and it often involves the need for assistance to maintain independence – and that is OK too!

Yenn, asking for kitty therapy

Why I stand with the protestors and anyone standing up against Trump

I am in Australia watching untold horrors unfold in the USA. Trump has become a dictator and comparisons with Nazi Germany in the 1930s are common – and sadly I think they are correct. I used to be a socialist and my comrades said not to call a regime fascist or Nazi unless it actually was. In the case of the USA in present times, I think the fascist epithet is well-deserved.

Seeing reports of children being arrested, people being shot for apparently no reason, ICE officers going around disappearing people, racially profiling and attacking protestors is hard to watch. The president is sending in armed forces against his own people, just because the state they are in is one with Democrats in power and he is attacking his own people.

I remember when Trump first ran for government. He was being ableist against a Disabled journalist on camera. At this point I thought he would be unsuccessful in his candidacy, due to this behaviour.  Shortly after this it transpired that Trump had repeatedly grabbed women by the crotch. He even bragged about it. Once more I expected his political career to be finished, but no. He has been taken to court on civil and criminal charges on many occasions but nothing sticks. He promoted drinking bleach to cure COVID. He held political rallies when the rest of the world was in COVID lockdown and countless Americans were dying from the disease and he encouraged attendees at his events not to wear masks. He is an anti-vaxer, he is included in the Epstein files, his policies have damaged the US economy. He wants to invade sovereign nations – and he has already invaded Venezuela. He is friends with other dictators.

I have nothing positive to say about Trump and I am known for being super nice! Trump is an evil man. My mum who is very Christan says he will face judgement when he dies. I hope she is right.

America has gone from being a place which prided itself on democracy to being a dictatorship run by essentially a reality TV star. I saw Back to the Future Two in the 1980s and there was an evil industrialist called Biff in an alternate reality. He looked a lot like Trump, and I remember thinking he was similar to Trump even then. Basically, Trump is a cartoon-like evil character, but nobody is laughing. He encouraged the violent insurrection at the Capitol Building. He is racist, transphobic, homophobic, ableist and filled with unimaginable hate.

I have always been on the side of inclusion and respect and against hate and judgement, but you don’t need to be a leftist or revolutionary to abhor what is going on in the USA at the moment. As a non-binary and trans person, I am particularly concerned about the situation in the USA as there is a lot of anti-trans sentiment which is backed up by government policy. I gravely fear for the safety of my peers. Actually I fear for the safety of everyone who is under attack.

The other disturbing thing – one out of a very large number of disturbing things – is that the US government will be building, for want of a more respectful term, asylums.  In Russia under Stalin asylums were used to house political dissidents so I am concerned that will happen in the USA. The lack of accountability is awful. The regime just do awful things and ignore any previously existing checks and balances. We are only ¼ into the second Trump term and I sincerely worry that at the end of the four years Trump with just not hold an election and keep going. I told this to a friend and they said ‘oh no he can’t do that. It is illegal’. But in the past 12 months so many illegal and unethical things have happened I fear that my take on ‘four more years’ may be correct. I really hope not.

The situation in the USA is something which is beyond my ability to fix, even in a small way. But I can let the world know that I am not OK with what is going on. The one thing that characterised the horror going on in the USA for me was that a four-year-old boy was arrested by ICE last week. I posted the article on my socials and added ‘I have no words for this’ to it. It broke my heart that there is a place which once provided itself on its democracy and yet the same nation is locking up small children just because they belong to a race being profiled. It’s a four-year-old kid for God’s sake!

Something which I am happy to see is dissent. Lots of dissent, especially recently in Minnesota. The No Kings protests and other demonstrations is fantastic. Going back to my socialist days I know the value of a good protest. Demonstrations hold governments to account, reflect that many people are against bad policies and government actions  and provide power and encouragement to other people who might feel disempowered and unable to be heard. Protest is a critical way to challenge the horrors of an administration which fuelled by hate. Everyone who challenges the regime – even me writing this blog which I suspect won’t go that far – is making a positive difference. I want to be positive and think those standing against the Trump regime will win.

Protest in Minnesota last week

‘But what if I don’t find another one?’ – Employment, disability and confidence

In 2024, after 17 years, I left my job at the Australian Public Service. In 2025 I left another two jobs.   My peers advised me that this was highly unlikely behaviour from a Disabled person. A common attitude is to stay in a job regardless of how unpleasant it might be because people fear that they will never be able to find another job if they leave. Despite my recent track record of quitting things, I also worry about my future when I leave a role.

I will qualify this with the fact that I am immensely employable. I’m a PhD candidate, I worked in middle management in the public service for 17 years, gaining a lot of helpful worky skills.  I have 18 published books, I have been giving keynote presentations since 2002, I have enough intelligence to manage most work roles, and I have a great work ethic. I have been a senior executive in a community organisation, I have managed staff and projects, and I currently have 11 sources of income. Despite ALL of this I still worry about being able to secure a job in a competitive recruitment process should I need to.

Disabled folks and those assigned female at birth – and people from other marginalised  groups – often fit into that mould of fearing what will happen if they quit a job and have to apply for a new position. It means people will often stay in a role that they hate, such as one where they are being bullied, discriminated against, not being given appropriate and suitable work or being overlooked for promotion despite their competence for a role at a higher classification. They might feel that the alternative of leaving their job for an unknown future outweighs the difficulties at work so they stay, des[ite the fact that they are miserable.

Another huge issue for Disabled folks at work is around career development and advancement. A lot of employers are of the opinion that if they employed a Disabled person then that person should be grateful to have a job. The assumption is that – even if a person is suitable for a role – they are not deserving of advancement. This is often true for those from other marginalised groups as well and it is absolutely not OK.

Disabled folks often lack confidence and especially in relation to employment. We get messaging that we are different and that our difference makes us deficient and incompetent. This often happens from early on in life and depletes our sense fo confidence in ourselves every time it happens. This and other kinds of ableism make it hard for us to achieve and feel a sense of confidence in our capabilities at work or view ourselves as high performers – even if we are.

Stereotypes are an issue here too. I have had a number of managers in professional roles tell me that they ‘employed an autistic person once’ and then treating me as if I was the same as their former employee just because we share a neurodivergent identity! News flash! Autistic individuals are individuals! Would they say ‘I hired a white person once…’ Probably not.

When I think about whether I will need to apply for jobs in the future I get really anxious and all these reasons I have listed in this post contribute strongly to that anxiety. I don’t want to be unable to secure a job because, I dont; wan tto eb viewed as a token, an ‘inspiration’ or to be in role I am highly proficient at but to be passed over for promotion because my employer felt that they ‘did me a favour’ by employing me. Beyond my own experience these issues are very real for others.

What is needed here is some more understanding from employers and managers as well as more understanding and empathy around disability from non-Disabled people more broadly. Self-confidence and knowing they are employable is something which helps people leave roles that they dislike or which are unpleasant. One of the reasons many Disabled people worry about never being employed again is a lack of confidence. This not so much an individual or personal issue but a social issue. We live in a largely ableist world which strongly contributes to this lack of confidence around applying for jobs. So, the more advocacy and activism we do, the better things will be in this space. Oh, and workplaces being more inclusive and not adding to the problem is important too! In fact if ableism and discrimination at work was addressed then I imagine a lot of Disabled employees would not want to change jobs in the first place!  

Thoughts on accommodation, autism and choice and control

I am extremely privileged, fortunate and blessed (please use whichever term works for you!) to own my own home. Well, I don’t own it, I am paying a mortgage, but when I finish doing that it will be mine. I recognise that home ownership is something that most people these days will not get to do, and I appreciate how unlikely it is for me to be a single person paying a mortgage and not feeling stressed about it. I appreciate it particularly because my accommodation situation in the past was pretty dire and that’s putting it mildly! Between 1994 and 2007 I lived in some very sketchy places – crisis housing, homelessness, mental health rehab housing, public housing and one extremely unpleasant boarding house. I applied for public housing in 2002 and was put on the highest priority list. I suspect this was because I gave the Housing Office the list of my previous addresses held by Centrelink and I had lived in over 40 different places in the preceding few years – and that was just the houses. It didn’t include the times in prison or in the psych ward!

So, while I have an amazing property that I am happy with now this was not always the case. even home ownership wasn’t always pleasant. Due to a range of factors, I bought a tiny one-bedroom apartment I didn’t really want in 2008. It was the cheapest property on the market and even then I struggled to make the repayments.  This place had more plumbing issues than I knew were possible. There was damp and water stains and the shower leaked right through the bathroom wall. The whole thing was so monumentally stressful that it caused huge mental health issues, as in the sorts of issues which mean you have to take six months off work and spend most of that six months in the public psychiatric ward! I have schizophrenia and prolonged periods of high stress tend to turn into psychosis. Stress around my apartment resulted in two periods of illness which took more than two years to overcome each.

I thought I would have to live in that property for the rest of my life. I suspect that had I done so, I would not still be alive. So, it used to make me feel a bit odd when people said how good it was that I had a home that I owned. Of course, it is good to own property, and it is a privilege but the property I used to own came with a lot of baggage!

I think for other autistic and neurodivergent people – and a lot of others too – accommodation is tricky. What I hated most about being poor for 15 years was that I had no choice in where I lived or who I lived with. Powerlessness like this is sadly all too common for neurodivergent people. Independent living may be a goal but achieving it can be a challenge.

I was diagnosed as autistic when I was an adult, but when my parents found out about the diagnosis they remarked that, had I gained my diagnosis as a child, things would have been different. I probably would not have been able to move out when I did due to expectations around what autistic people can and can’t do. I am not sure what my life would have looked like if my autism was known about when I was small, but I imagine my accommodation journey would have been very different to me moving out of home at 17, sharing houses with my socialist comrades for three years and then going to jail and subsequently into homelessness!

The choice and control thing is very real in this space. Protecting autistic young people is obviously essential but I feel that they need to be given the opportunity to make errors, navigate difficult situations and learn for experience and errors. I wouldn’t recommend the journey I took as a young adult though!!

A younger version of me (ala ‘Sliding Doors’) who lived at home into adulthood protected from risks and difficulties may well have avoided the hell I went through as a twenty-something, but I suspect that they would not now have a passion for making change and feel the need to write about advocacy and inclusion.  This is not an easy area, and I don’t pretend to know the ‘answer’ – or even if there is an answer! Promoting independence around housing is great, being able to have choice around where you live is amazing too. For many people – neurodivergent and neurotypical alike – housing, finances and related things are a big struggle. These are issues which are often complex and challenging. The idea of the dignity of risk applies here – and recognising that these things often evolve over time.  Independence. – like many other positive attributes – is a journey which has lots of points where interventions can be applied – by the individual themselves as well as their supports.

Yenn’s bedroom at Yennski HQ – there’s a cat somewhere too!

What to do when your executive function doesn’t want to function!

I have a wonderful art therapist who is paid through my NDIS funding. I love her to bits and find her sessions really helpful – and sometimes revealing! A while back she gave me an executive functioning assessment. I have known my executive functioning might not be in the same area as others’, but I was not prepared for the test results. My score for executive functioning was three per cent! I know these things can fluctuate depending on the day and how the person being assessed is feeling but really, three percent!!

If you don’t already know about executive functioning it is a key part of how your brain works. Google tells us that:

Executive functioning is the brain’s management system, a set of cognitive skills like working memory, flexible thinking, and self-control, that help you plan, focus, remember instructions, and juggle multiple tasks to achieve goals and manage daily life. These crucial skills, controlled by the prefrontal cortex, allow for goal-directed behaviour, problem-solving, and adapting to new situations, impacting success in school, work, and social interactions.

Thanks Google!

Neurodivergent folks, and particular ADHDers and autistic people, often have challenges and differences around their executive functioning. It can impact on all sorts of areas of life. For me the area that frequently concerns me is its impact on my employment and capability at work. I was a public servant for 17 years. Most of the time I was a great public servant but every manager I ever had commented on my problematic attention to detail.

I am totally brilliant at some things in the workplace but others I struggle with, often due to executive functioning differences. While most of my managers in the past have appreciated my high level of skills in other areas and overlooked my unreliable memory, occasional missed meetings and typos, others have taken issue with this. I don’t blame them really, but I also understand the reason for the issues is something largely beyond my control.  

One thing that executive functioning may respond to is strategies, tools and workarounds. An example is how I keep a flyer above my desk in my home office which lists the things I need to do to overcome issues with my executive functioning and its impact on my work. Things like ‘Check calendar – today, tomorrow, new week’, ‘Read ALL email content’ and ‘When you feel like sending it, review again’. This list helps me to be aware of potential issues and address them. I have a bunch of other strategies, and most of the time I remember meetings, get things done on time and with minimal or no errors. I do better with other elements of executive functioning, mostly because I have learned to. In my earlier years I had huge issues with impulse control and addiction but thankfully these things are not really an issue now. It’s mostly just the work stuff but I recognise that other people can have a number of challenges in this area.  

Posing a question or two now:

Is my executive functioning my fault and me being careless or slack?

No absolutely not. Like my ADHD and autism, it is part of me, and I cannot magically fix it. I cannot choose to not have these issues or to overcome them through willpower and positive thinking!

Should people like me even be in the workforce?

Yes! Absolutely. I know that most of my employers these days are very happy to have me on their books. What I lack in organisation and being careful I make up for in creativity, loyalty, empathy and knowledge. I have never been fired from a job for any reason and these days I think I have 11 sources of income so I must be doing something right workwise. This is not just true for me – it also relates to others with similar experiences with executive function at work.

Is this just an issue at work?

Nope. It can have an impact on a load of life experiences – things like relationships with friends, family and partners, in education settings, in independent living and even in leisure activities.

How can this be addressed?

As executive functioning issues are not able to be ‘fixed’ and are not the fault or responsibility of the person experiencing them, then the best strategies may well be building in strategies! A good workaround or strategy can make all the difference here. These will most likely be determined buy the needs of the person who needs them.

Is executive functioning a  failing or a reason to feel guilty?

Would you feel guilty about having brown eyes?   Of course not. Having different kinds of executive functioning – even being in the bottom third percentile, Yennski! – is just part of what makes people who they are.

We live in world where a degree of executive function is often required but there are ways to address any issues to make navigating life easier. A world that was more accepting and understanding would be the best solution to these issues, I think.

Why did the chicken really cross the road? Communication differences and assumptions

I have an art therapist who is neurodivergent. She is quite wonderful and I have been working with her for some time. I had a session with her online yesterday, and she told me two things that pretty much broke my brain as I had never realised these things – both of which could be grouped within the area of ‘neurotypical communication.’

The first odd thing was the meaning of the joke ‘why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.’ I had always thought this was just a bit of meaningless nonsense which was amusing because it didn’t make sense. However, my art therapist told me that the joke was about the chicken wanting to die due to the meaning of ‘the other side.’ I had never thought such a thing, and it was actually upsetting – poor suicidal chicken getting laughed at in its misery!

The second odd thing was around the experience of anxiety. I posted a Yeme once which said, ‘if anxiety listened to logic, then psychologists would all be unemployed.’ To me it is impossible to simply dismiss anxiety because it doesn’t make sense to be anxious. If I am anxious the feeling sticks around regardless of how much I rationalise not being anxious or wanting the make it stop. I never heard of such a thing as making anxiety disappear through the application of logic but according to my art therapist a lot of neurotypical people can do just that – turn off their anxiety if it doesn’t make sense to be anxious about something. Seriously Wow! This was the first time in my life that I actually wished I could be more neurotypical as my anxiety is my least favourite attribute and I spend most of my life anxious and it can result in psychosis. Oh, to be neurotypical thought Yenn (albeit very briefly)!

Autism often relates to communication differences, and the two differences in understanding listed earlier in this post are very much about communication. Autistic people communicate in a very different way to their neurotypical peers. This isn’t a bad thing, but issues tend to arise when either party doesn’t understand the communication and responds with assumptions based on their own communication style. I think this happens between autistic and autistic people and between neurotypical and neurotypical people as well but it is heightened in what I would call cross-cultural neurotype communication between autistic and neurotypical folks.

One of the issues here is the inability to understand the viewpoint of others. This often isn’t intentional, but it happens. For me, my misunderstanding of the chicken joke made me think that my understanding of the premise was right and was the only way to understand that joke. It never occurred to me that there was another explanation until I was told. This sort of experience happens all the time and it can lead to some difficulties around being understood by both autistic and neurotypical people.

I do think we need to increase understanding around different kinds of communication – not just about teaching autistic people about neurotypical approaches to communication but also teaching the neurotypical folks autistic perspectives too. This is one of those areas where the adage ‘different not less’ applies.

And I am still feeling sorry for the chicken!

“Stop! Impostor!” understanding and challenging impostor syndrome

Impostor syndrome is something which many people – and particularly Disabled people – experience. You have almost certainly come across the term before. It is defined as “self-doubt over one’s skills and intellect and the inability to internally attribute success”.

People who belong to marginalised groups often experience impostor syndrome. It has significant impacts on areas like employment and leadership roles. The messaging we get from others around our capacity can impact on feelings of impostor syndrome and make it difficult to have confidence around our capability to function. Ableism can contribute to impostor syndrome – both the ableism we receive from others and internalised ableism.

I remember being told once that because I am autistic I would be unable to manage a team. Because I was full of self-doubt and internalised ableism anyway, I took this to heart. Despite the comment being an isolated thing and it being said in 2008, even now I doubt my capability to manage staff and lead a team!

Many autistic and neurodivergent people experience impostor syndrome. Belonging to any marginalised group tends to make this a bigger issue, possibly because marginalised people often lack confidence due to being on the receiving end of criticism, prejudice and discrimination.   

Impostor syndrome seems to have no relationship with actual capability. A person can be highly competent but doubt themselves and their ability to do whatever they need to do! I always say that when managers are offered management training the ones that need it will decline and those who don’t will opt to do it! It is impacted by perception – both that of the person experiencing it and those they interact with. I see impostor syndrome as being fed by self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. It can make life very challenging. There is a strong relationship with impostor syndrome and employment but it can also relate to things like accessing education and parenting and family relationships.

I am about to commence my PhD with a full scholarship at the University of Wollongong. Yay to this! However, it is not all joy for me as my impostor syndrome means I doubt my capability to complete my studies. Everyone tells me how competent and skilled I am in the academic world but I struggle to believe that I have anything to offer the world of academia! This is despite the fact that I am already successfully working in a number of academic roles, including marking Masters students’ assignments, serving on a project advisory group, co-directing a research project and creating and running a Masters in Autism subject! None of my colleagues or managers in these roles has said anything critical about my work but I still doubt myself!

I do think it is ironic that I am someone with such significant impostor syndrome, given my various accomplishments. I suppose if it can affect me, it can affect anyone!

I try to address it with logic – although I am acutely aware that anxiety and self-doubt do not generally listen to logic. I guess it is about recognising strengths, challenging negative assumptions and building self-confidence. Being around affirming and supportive people can help – especially if they are at work or wherever you are having issues with impostor syndrome. For me this is an ongoing challenge and one I hope I will be able to manage in time.  

Reflection on 2025

I know most people that write Christmas or end of year notes do so to a seklect number of friends ad family – and my social media family is quite a large group of people, but I thought it would be nice to share my reflection as I consider my social media family to be part of my family!

I am currently staying with my lovely Purkis family, you know, the family that I am biologically connected to rather than those who follow me online!  I was talking to my parents and saying 2025 had been one of my most eventful years ever! Thankfully that was mostly for positive and edifying reasons than dire ones!

This year has been my first full year out of the Australian Public Service. When I left and went into business in early 2024, I was unsure if I was making horrible mistake! In fact, I was not. In hindsight I am much happier – and wealthier – as a small business and part-time employee than I was as a bureaucrat!

I started one regular / salaried job this year – as a deputy CEO with the Disability Leadership Institute. This was a fantastic job. The DLI – if you have not come across it yet – is a great organisation which promotes and drives leadership for Disabled people. If you identify as a Disabled person who has an interest in leadership I would recommend membership. I absolutely loved working at the DLI but did need to leave that role recently…. More on the reason for that later! I also finished up at my job at Rebus Theatre which was a job that I also really loved.

I have a couple of wonderful NDIS clients who I do peer mentoring with and will hopefully get to keep working with into the future. I love that role and hopefully I am making a difference and empowering people.

I think I gave 28 talks in 2025 – not the most for a year but definitely up there! I am writing two more books with the awesome Tanya Masterman and also working on some kid’s picture books with another friend. These don’t have a contract yet, so fingers crossed for that!

I have been doing a bunch of academic work too. I have a research project that I am codesigning at Latrobe Uni. It is all about autism, entrepreneurship and wellbeing. We are getting right into it now. I also do an advisory group with Latrobe and some work with the University of Wollongong including casual marking and running my autism in adulthood course… which brings me to the most exciting news I have had in a long time. Next year I will be commencing my first year of a PhD at the University of Wollongong. I have been granted a full scholarship so I will be paid to study – tax free! Very large Yennski yay to all of this! I am very excited. My project will be around autism and employment – so look out when it comes time to collect the data as I will be reaching out to people who might want to participant in my research! I am delighted that the University is so confident that my research will be so wonderful that they want to pay me lots of money to do it! It is a big change and a big adventure. Dr Yennski here we come! This is the reason I left the DLI. Sadly there is a limited number of hours that even I can work!

On a more personal level, Yennski HQ continues to make the happy. There is so much art now that I am having to move things around on the walls to make everything fit! Sunflower the cat is – of course – the best cat in recorded history (yup, I’m slightly biased!). She really is a gentle soul and a great support. She loves to ‘help’ when I work and follows me wherever I go. She is in the cat hotel (boarding) for the next week while I am away.

And a recent cool thing is my latest tattoo. It is a rainbow butterfly with a semicolon for a body. There is significance to all that – the butterfly is a symbol of transition, the rainbow colours are for LGBTQIA+ Pride, and the semicolon is my saying ‘I will keep going regardless of how tough things get’. I love it a lot and am now trying to find all my clothes that allow me to display it!

And finally – and something probably missing from most Christmas letters – in some respects this year has been hard. My anxiety has dealt me a lot of blows. I have spent a lot of time worrying and second guessing my decisions. I have been highly anxious and had to seek support. This is my life. I think this will probably always be my life. I know I am accomplished and have a bunch of things others are impressed by but there is a cost. The good thing out of this is that my schizophrenia medication that I am now on is very effective. In the past high levels of anxiety over a prolonged period would always result in psychosis, meaning lots of hospital stays and me putting my life on hold for at least a year to recover. This is not currently part of my life. I now don’t get terrified about my anxiety turning into psychosis which is wonderful. I see anxiety as just an unpleasant experience which will hopefully pass – that’s it. So, all things considered I am probably OK. I have certainly done a lot of learning and growing this year and will no doubt continue to do so.

I have also got to this point where I say, ‘I’m 51 and I don’t give a crap’. What I mean by this is that if someone doesn’t like me or says something rude, I tend to just let it go. It is quite liberating I must say!  

Anyway, that is a lot of Yennski! On a non-me note, I hope you have a great Christmas if you celebrate it and a wonderful Thursday if you don’t! The holidays can be stressful and unpleasant there are a lot of expectations floating around that don’t really help anyone. If you don’t want to celebrate don’t! I spent some years not doing traditional Christmas as that was where I was at and now, I am OK with doing it. As with everything, ‘do what works’.

So merry Christmas, happy holidays and happy Festivus to all! Let’s see what 2026 brings in the land of Yennski and Sunflower and also in your respective worlds…

What to do if your working memory doesn’t work!

Working memory forms part of a number of elements of something called  executive functioning. Executive functioning relates to all those enabling-type parts of our brain that allow us to manage our lives. Autistic, ADHD and AuDHD folks often have challenges around executive functioning. I am definitely among them!

AI tells me that:
Executive function is a set of mental skills, like a brain’s CEO, that help you plan, organize, manage tasks, control impulses, and adapt to new situations by managing your thoughts, emotions, and actions to reach goals

I think that sums it up succinctly. Thanks AI!

Within the umbrella of executive functioning, is the specific capability of working memory. Working memory enables you to hold information in your mind for a short while and retrieve that information when you want or need to.

Everyone who knows me knows that I struggle with anything practical, and that I forget lots of things and working memory is something I am not all that proficient at! For me this can make life challenging to say the least.  

People often note that I forget things, lots of things. If someone tells me their weekend plans, I often forget, despite not wanting to. I have been known to miss meetings and forget tasks. Trying to remember what I did yesterday is often extremely difficult. I rarely remember what I have read in books – including what I have written in my own! I have been working on a research project which is co-designed and I created a massive spreadsheet to capture and code all the data. I then went in and added codes / themes for each research question based on the data we collected through interviews. This morning, I tried to recall some of the themes without referring to the spreadsheet and I struggled to! I finished with this spreadsheet yesterday so one woudl imagine that the information presumably should still be in my brain!

I feel the most impact of these issues relates to my experiences in undertaking employment.

I really struggle with jobs where there are loads of ‘moving parts’ and multiple things I need to get across and remember. Some years ago I had one role which I had to leave because my manager saw my memory recall issues as being a performance issue.  Rather than trying to support me with strategies or give me more suitable work she gave me a hard time and initated a performance management process. Even though this was some years ago I still feel something of a trauma response around what became a very stressful situation. I don’t think the main issue was my performance, rather the need for my manager to understand the impact of my executive functioning issues on my work and work with me to address these.  Apart from this, my work – and my work ethic and level of loyalty to the employer – was of a high standard. You might imagine that seeing the positives of having some Yenn in your workplace would be a plus at work but sadly not in this instance!

I think some people view executive functioning and working memory issues as poor performance or some kind of intentional behaviour or being ‘slack’ – as if the person is being deliberately incompetent or careless. For me – and presumably others – this is far from the case. I am defined by work. Work is tied in with my identity and my sense of pride in who I am. The idea of underperformance horrifies me and contributes to the kind of high anxiety that actually makes my performance dip!

I think the idea of the spiky profile of autism applies here. I am so good at some things that others find it hard to comprehend and I also find other things that others take for granted immensely challenging.

Employing autistic folks, to my mind, is not about ‘fixing’ them or approaching management through the lens of ‘one size fits all’, infantilism, tokensim, viewing them as ‘inspiring’ or as superheros or savants. When people do have spiky profiles in the workplace the key is to understand what this means for the individual and support them to undertake their work well and providing support and encouragement.

My working memory issues might make me seem incompetent to some people. I have created a series of structures and strategies to address working memory issues and address them as much as I can. Things like tracking spreadsheets, traffic lights on tasks, Outlook calendar invites and email flags and categories all help me to avoid missing something. I still miss the occasional meeting but most of the time I do quite well with my task tracking and other strategies. Like many executive functioning issues, I cannot ‘fix’ it but I can put in place some helpful workarounds to make any impact less.

People don’t often understand how someone with a master’s degree and 18 published books can be apparently so dreadful at remembering things and being practical. I suspect it is one of those brain wring things so not something to be fixed but more to be understood. When I had that manager who performance managed me, she always seemed disappointed in me for not improving even though I was doing my utmost to improve my performance. I will contrast this manager to one of my closest friends. This friend knows I am not practical and can’t hold things in my brain for very long. This friend does not try and change me. Instead, she supports me with the things I find hard and encourages me to build more practical approaches where I can.

Given these two examples I know who I think is doing the best job around supporting me with my working memory issues and it isn’t my former manager!

Executive functioning issues can’t be ‘fixed’, but they can be supported through others understanding and not just viewing the deficits and challenges but also the positives a person has to offer. Providing understanding and assistance is far preferable to apportioning blame and judgement. I would like to think that regardless of memory difficulties employers can see beyond that to my strengths – and the strengths of others with similar experiences.  

Yenn at work at the Australian Public Service (2015)

“If you can see it you can be it” Representation and neurodiversity

The idea of representation when applied to marginalised groups centres around the visibility of people from that group in the public domain. For example, autistic actor Chloe Hayden is a great example of positive representation in popular culture. Senator Jordan Steele-John is a great example of representation in politics. Representation is an extremely important concept in the neurodivergent and broader intersectional communities. Unfortunately much of the representation around at the moment is based in stereotypes and assumptions and is actually damaging to the cause of inclusion and empowerment.

Representation is essentially about visibility, respect and understanding. There is a saying ‘if you can’t see it you can’t be it.’ This is particularly relevant for neurodivergent people. I tend to expand that notion to ‘If you CAN see it, you can be it’.  The more positive representation we have in the neurodiversity and inclusion space the better.

Some representation is great and helps and supports us. Sadly some other sorts of representation are not. For example, in recent years there has been an explosion of autistic and other neurodivergent characters in popular culture, such as on TV and in movies. This is sometimes a good thing and sometimes not! As an autistic person I cringe every time someone tells me that I should watch [insert problematic and probably significantly ableist TV show or movie about autism] and assuring me that I ‘will really love it’. I have taken the advice before and regretted it – a LOT! Many of  these portrayals are based in stereotypes and seeing autistic people as figures of amusement, pity or through a of voyeuristic lens.

Portrayals of neurodivergent and Disabled people in the media and popular culture often focus on stereotypes and ‘inspiration’. This is not at all helpful – for Disabled folks and for anyone else! This TED talk by the legendary activist and comedian / broadcaster the late Stella Young focuses on the idea of ‘inspiration porn’ which absolutely relates in the area of representation and disability: https://www.ted.com/talks/stella_young_i_m_not_your_inspiration_thank_you_very_much

I might add that, similarly to inspiration porn, tokensim is not positive representation and does not help in the cause of inclusion either!

Thankfully it isn’t all bad. There is definitely a lot of very positive and helpful representation out there. I often think about neurodivergent young people and the messaging they take on board through seeing various representations around neurodivergence and disability. It is so important to have helpful representation which supports inclusion and respect and particularly for young people.  

The more of us representing across all areas of society – employment, popular culture, politics and civic life, leadership and all kinds of other roles – the better. And you do not need to be famous or have a big profile to represent. We can all do representation in our own way and in our own communities. In doing so we are helping to change the narrative and help make a more inclusive world.

Image: Photo of Yenn and Australian of the Year and neurodivergent activist Grace Tame